I’m not going to put this under a read more or anything like that. I’m just gonna write about my Dad as a way to let some feelings out.
As a side note; If you don’t care to see someone grieve you can unfollow. I could not care less if you do.
I’m not sure why you had to go. We all knew someday you’d leave us, but we were thinking it’d be years from now. 10, 15, 20 years. A long time, and we were thinking we’d have some sort of sign or warning of it.
There was no sign, there was no warning. You just passed away when the previous day, hours before, minutes before, you were fine. I talked to you Friday. You knew I was worried about school, and I wasnt sure what to do about the class I’m struggling so much with. You just said it was college, have fun, and by Sunday morning I’d know.
Yesterday morning I kept getting knocks on my door. I thought it was just house keeping, so I was ignoring it. They started to come in, so I got up. There was a police officer there and a park ranger. I knew then something was wrong. So I turned my phone on and called mom.
They said you died.
The park ranger there took me home. It was the worst day of my life. I have so many regrets. I wish I’d been home, I wish I’d called more. I still can’t really believe it. You were fine. What happened? Why was it you? You’re the most amazing person. Father, husband, worker, everything. I wouldn’t trade the time I had with you for anything in the world. You were so loved, and still are. I went to see you in the hospital, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. At first I didn’t think it was you. But Mom and I got closer and yeah, it was you. It was my dad laying there. I touched you, rubbed your head like you always used to do to me, and kissed you. You were so cold. I love you so much, we love you so much.
Today Mom and I went to the funeral home. Right when we walked it we just saw urns on display. I don’t know how people can do that for a living. I know you’re gone, I saw you, I saw the urns, the caskets, we talked about what’s going to happen with the cremation. I still, deep down, think you’ll just walk in the door one day and be back. But you won’t be. I can never hug you again, kiss you, tell you I love you so much. And it’s not fair. You’re supposed to be there. When I get married, when I have kids, everything. But you won’t be. You were taken from us far too early. I don’t understand why.
I’ve been crying since yesterday, and I probably will keep crying until it starts to not hurt as much. I’ll always love you and miss you. We all are and will. I’m so glad you were my dad. So, so, so glad. I wouldn’t want anyone else. You’re the best, and there’s no one who can top you. We’re all trying to be strong, but it’s hard. You were our rock. I know you loved us more than anything else in this world. And we love you just as much. We’re gonna do our best through. I hope you’re watching out for us, like you always have. I love you so much Dad.